Musings in the desert

In the desert place I cried. I waited, sure I would be rescued, sure my Father would come. But he hadn't. Not yet...

In the desert place, the refining fire burnt away my tender green leaves that so hopefully grew up to the sky, testifying of the goodness of previous rain. But with no more rain and only whispers of the promise that rain would come, I withered and the life grew quiet in this harsh and unforgiving place. In my silence, I grew hardy. I grew strong. But I also grew angry. So very, very angry. It was not deserved all this loss, suffering, being overlooked, being scorned, being shamed0, but then, neither is goodness deserved. Yet, I can't help but feel like I have become deeper too in this quiet place, like the slashing of my bark, of my pride and who I was, has somehow opened me up to release the fragrant gum of myrrh. Yes, I have become a hardy tree in this desert place, tempered and strong. Finding water with roots that have set deep. Roots that drove through hard, barren ground, uncertain it would find anything, questioning if there was anything, but without trying would die for certain. Now I can pour out healing from my own brokenness.

Hurting in unimaginable ways I wrote. In secret places I poured out the screams of despair that remained unheard. I am not certain I will share those cries on a platform so public, but I can share the results of those cries.

I understand why Atheists do not believe, I do not judge their unbelief. I cannot take credit for my faith. All I have is the hope I hold onto, and my hope lies in Him. Softly, softly, He sends me reassurance that I am not forgotten. That this is not the end. That this is not life as it will remain. He reminds me that beneath the dust of this desert is the face of a daughter of the King and that my worth has not diminished in His eyes.

Love you Father. For You I wait.

Blessed

Wow, I am blessed. As I am sitting here writing, Princess Pie is eating lunch while watching a short movie, Bear Cub is fast asleep after waking up super early this morning and Life is growing steadily in my tummy, soon ready to meet the world and be in my arms. And my heart is full, well, kind of, because in there, there is also another little one, one I have dreamt about and met only in my dreams. And this little one, as much as she is part of what fills my heart, also is the reason it aches so much today, and ever so often. It is hard to have a vision so 'out there'. There is no way I can make it happen in my own strength and if she finally comes home, I give God all the credit. If this is to happen, He would have really had to move the mountains.

Someone I recently met online shared the following song and it touched me so much because it felt like the story in my heart was written and put out there. It just confirms what I believe in my heart the situation is surrounding our adoptive daughter.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HQXGRwR4N2Q

Hope you enjoy listening to the song and allow it to touch your heart.